2019: Be Present

Happy New Year! I can’t believe it’s 2019!

2018 was a big year for me. I signed with an amazing art agent, got my first art licensing deal, sold some artwork to some pretty awesome companies, traveled to Canada and Hawaii, and got pregnant with our baby girl! I already know that 2019 will top 2018 because I’ll become a mom and learn to become a work-from-home mama. It’s such an exciting (and anxious) time!

My word for last year was “growth.” (Not gonna lie…I had to look up that blog post to remember what my word was…I didn’t do a great job of trying to apply it to my day-to-day life.) I definitely did grow last year, in my business, my relationships, even physically (have you seen my belly lately?! ;) )

For this year, I knew exactly what I want my mantra to be. I’ve been doing a lot of self-growth lately, reading lots of books and listening to lots of podcasts about how to be the best version of myself.

My word (or phrase, rather) for 2019 is “be present.” This phrase kept popping up everywhere I looked in the past few months, and I know that it’s something I need to strive for during this new year.

It started when I decided to really try to take control of my anxiety and stop letting my negative thoughts get in my way of being productive. My mind tends to be three steps ahead of where I currently am, always trying to figure out what needs to be done in the future. It’s always been hard for me to truly be present in whatever moment I’m in, even if it’s a relaxing, happy, or fun moment. I always catch myself thinking ahead. Does anyone else struggle with this? It’s so hard for me to truly be in the moment, but I desperately want to try in 2019. Having a baby is going to force me to be more present. I know that the only way to be a truly happy mom and raise a truly happy baby is for me to be fully engaged in whatever I’m doing at that specific moment.

I recently read an amazing book called Mindful Birthing by Nancy Bardacke, and it introduced me to the idea of mindfulness. Nancy defines mindfulness as “the awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” It’s the practice of paying attention to all of your senses, being in whatever moment you’re in, and not judging your feelings, thoughts, and perceptions.

Obviously, this book is about getting through labor and birth while using mindful practices, but this mindset can (and I believe, should) be used in everyday life. I plan on reading more books about mindfulness and being present this year, and I’m excited to start doing some mindful meditations every day.

Basically, I just want to be able to slow down, breathe deeply, and be fully present in whatever moment I’m in. This goes for working, spending time with family, enjoying a vacation, even doing the dishes. Just paying full attention to the task or atmosphere that I’m in, and training my mind not to constantly wander to the future and what I need to do then.

I want to write about my journey throughout the year, and I’m going to hold myself accountable to this. I love getting my thoughts out, and I want to share more on this blog too.

So here’s to 2019! Let’s make this the best year yet!

Here's to 2018!

Hey there! 

I hope you had a merry Christmas, happy holidays, and happy new year! I think I speak for all of us when I say that it's time for a new year. For a change. For some reflecting on this past year, but also for some goal-setting for this year.

I just got back from a loooong trip visiting family and friends in the south, and now I'm back in my little office, ready to tackle some planning for this new year. 

I've noticed in the past few years that people are starting to use specific words for the new year, not resolutions. I really like the idea, because...who actually follows through with a resolution?? It takes a detailed plan, daily determination, and specific goals to reach an overall goal. For example, if you want to lose weight in 2018, it isn't specific enough to say "My new year's resolution is to lose weight." It isn't even specific enough to say "My new year's resolution is to lose thirty pounds." Good luck with that. I know I'd fail miserably. Now, if you write down specific goals for each week like "I will go to the gym at least 3 times this week" and "I will give up fast food for this whole week" then you will start seeing some results that can push you further into your overall goal.

My word for this year is growth.

This is just vague enough to cover all areas of my life, but very specific when applied to specific areas that I want to grow in.

I want growth in...

1.) My business. I want to work with more clients, create more design work, and take on and complete new projects. I want to be even more authentic in my business because I am drawn to authentic businesses myself. (Of course I have even more detailed goals, lists, and plans for each of these areas. I won't bore you with all of that info ;) )

2.) My relationships. I want to nurture my current relationships and make new ones this year. I want to always be open to meeting new people and making new friends (online and in the "real world"!)

3.) My faith. I occasionally write about my faith on my blog, as it is a huge part of my life. I want to grow in my relationship with God and try more and more every day to live out the life He wants me to live.

4.) My creativity. I want to be creative just for the sake of being creative. I want to play around, experiment, and create without trying to tie it into making money or growing my brand. I want to create just for myself.

5.) My relationship with myself. This may sound weird, but I really want to grow in understanding myself better. I am a naturally anxious person (and I've recently come off of an antidepressant I was taking for a couple of years...another story for another day) so I need to find better ways to monitor my thoughts and feelings. I want to get into meditation. I want to start journaling every day. I want to read more psychological books to get a better understanding of my personality and why I think/act/react the way I do. (I'm an INFP in case you were wondering ;) )

6.) My health. I have been trying to cut out animal products for the past 4 or 5 months (and it feels great!) I want to continue to find creative (and delicious) ways to eat healthy foods that fuel my body rather than drag it down. I also want to be more active. I've been regularly going to the gym for the past couple of years, but I want to add in more exercise, more hikes, more biking, more yoga. Exercise helps my anxiety and helps my body at the same time!

7.) My contribution to the world. I want to find more ways to give and serve others. I'm currently working on a list of organizations I'd love to work with and contribute to. I'm also looking for ways to serve in my community and neighboring communities. We all have something to give, and I want to really focus on putting time and effort into giving back this year.

Those are the main ways I want to grow in 2018. I know..it's a lot. But I think that by getting all of that out of my head, I can begin to make achievable goals and action steps to get there, little by little.

What are your goals for this year?

Here's to an amazing, happy, loving, giving, creative, positive new year!

Living a Fulfilled Life

Warning: LOOOONG post ahead :)

While scrolling through Instagram (and procrastinating getting out of bed and starting the day) this morning, I stumbled upon this quote from Stacey Salsbery on the Proverbs 31 Ministries page: 

Image via Proverbs 31 Ministries

I suddenly stopped scrolling and really read the quote. Whoa. I need this quote printed out and taped up everywhere in my house. I need this quote tattooed on my forehead. I need to burn this quote into my memory and force myself to remember it every single day. 

I'm a big dreamer. I've always had huge dreams for myself. Sometimes I get a little carried away, struggling to live in the present, because I'm thinking of what I want to do in the future. I could list for you EXACTLY how I want my life to go: I want to buy/build a farmhouse in the middle of the woods with a studio for me to work (as a licensed illustrator/surface pattern designer) where I'll work from home raising our future 3-4 kids (Matt would argue me on that number a little bit..) and several dogs, spending my days working on designs, running a small business, gardening (even though at the moment, I kill every plant I buy), volunteering in an amazing church, and being a loving wife, mother, friend, and human being. 

So. That's a little exhausting to even write. Does anyone else have their entire future mapped out like I do? Hopefully I'm not the only weirdo. The thing is, we have to have goals and dreams to motivate ourselves to reach our greatest potential, succeed in life, and make the world a better place. However, I think we can get to a point where we try to let these dreams dictate our everyday life, and we find ourselves with a never-ending longing that we can't seem to get rid of.

This is gonna get a little deep, y'all. And long. I love thinking and talking about deep stuff, so here we go.

I believe that we, as humans, all have a part of our heart and soul that is missing. Not physically, although I'm sure some people have parts of their heart missing, which must be devastating, but I digress. I think we can all agree that at some points in our lives (or every single day, for some of us) we feel this longing for something more. Think of it like a puzzle with a piece missing. We can't quite figure out exactly what that missing something is. So what do we do? We try to fill that missing area. We try to fit family, friends, a career, hobbies, our appearance, even food, sex, or drugs, into that area, but we always eventually find that they don't fit. There's a specific puzzle piece missing, and we can't just cram anything we want into it. But we try. We read the self-help books. We do the yoga and the meditation and the exercising and the healthy diet and the positive relationships and the traveling, but nothing really fits. There's always still something missing. What if that something is actually a someone? And, no, I don't mean a significant other. Trust me, I love Matt with all my heart, but he doesn't fill this void in my life. Some may think I'm a terrible wife for admitting that, but it's true. You may think another person can fill that void, but I think we always find that it's not the case. Eventually, that void will come back with a vengeance, begging you to figure out how to fill it.

So that's depressing, right? It seems like we're just screwed. Life is all about a void that we can't fill. We live, we try to enjoy life and help those around us, and we die. That's how most people see life.

What if we thought it was gone forever, so after trying to cram other pieces from other puzzles into it, we just gave up? Oh well. Maybe the piece fell under the couch, and we'll find it years from now. Maybe it just never made its way into the puzzle box. Maybe there was an error when the puzzle was being made, and there IS NO piece that fits the area. 

But, what if there actually is a puzzle piece that would fit that area perfectly? 

“For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”

— Psalm 107: 9 NIV

Maybe the reason why we are always still left longing for something after trying to fix ourselves and our lives is because we aren't allowing Jesus to make a change in our hearts. Maybe we aren't meant to feel "full" with the things of this world. Maybe our family, career, hobbies, dreams, goals, and possessions can't possibly make us fulfilled. And that's okay. Because Jesus can.

“Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”

— Psalm 90:14 NIV

“He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”

— Colossians 1:17 NIV

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

— Philippians 4:19

Jesus was willing to give His life for us. His perfect, sinless life. He is offering us complete and total peace, joy, love, and contentment if we just allow Him to fill that void in our lives. The thing is, we don't realize just how big this void is. It's massive. And when we truly choose to fit Jesus into that void, we are making Him the center of our lives. And that is when our lives start to change for the better. Maybe our circumstances don't get better, but our reactions and responses to those circumstances will. We will begin to find joy in the heartache. We will begin to find peace in the anxiety. Contentment in the unknown. 

I'm not saying I have this all together. That's definitely NOT true at all. I struggle with doubt, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, and impatience almost daily. But that's just it...this is a choice we have to make daily. It will get easier to choose to rest in Him after awhile, but we have to constantly be making the choice to make Him our everything.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

— Matthew 11:28-29 NIV

We don't have to have everything figured out. We don't have to kill ourselves to reach that goal or make that dream come true. Giving up control and trusting in God isn't always easy. In fact, it's often very hard. If you're like me, you love being in control of situations, especially when they pertain to your own life. However, if we choose to follow Jesus, let Him reign in our lives, and trust that He will change us from the inside out, we will find that it's much better (and easier!) to let go of the steering wheel and just rest in Him.

Life is a journey. That's so freaking cheesy, but it's totally true. We are going to grow, learn, and change throughout our lives. We have to decide how we will grow, learn, and change. And we have to decide what (or who) we're going to fill our hearts with.

I want to fill my heart with Jesus.

He's the only piece that will actually fit, after all.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

— Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

— John 14:6 ESV

“For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”

— Colossians 1:16-17 ESV